...im different now

i used to be naive and ignore the evil in the world around me. i used to freak out when the world hit me in the face. i used to cry at night when things didn't go the way i thought they should. i used to lust after people i thought i couldn't have.

not anymore.

if something makes me cry, i remove it from my life as quickly as possible. or if not, i push it away from me and we have to start all over on this getting-to-know-me thing... im really not sure why anyone would mark 'yes' in that box, but that's their problem i guess, not mine.

when the world hits me in the face i do one of two things. i either ignore it and move on, knowing that there's nothing i can do to change the vilenss and wrong that spawns from everything around me... or.. i hit back hard.

theres no one now who i think is out of my league... i'll go after whoever i want, and if the effort seems futile, i'll move on and get over it fast, because there was nothing there. Lust is not a relationship. you can't love some one who doesn't know you exist. just saying.

i have an incredible boyfriend. we've been dating for three or so weeks. i dont love him. i dont really even quite know him yet... he's an amazing person and i'm really enjoying getting to know him, because that's what i've been doing, getting closer to a person who seems sweeter by the second.

the poem that follows is not about him or any real person. it contains figmets of my imagination...enjoy and goodbai.

i want myself an emo boy
to have and to hold close
to embrace me like he means it
and cries harder than most

i want myself an emo love
because it seems just right
full of black and chains and eyeliner
and pierced lipped kiss goodnight

i want myself an emo life
im so cute and free and here
i dwell only in the present
of the future i live in fear

oh i want myself an emo boy
because they're cute and sharp
he borrows myjeans and hoodies
and then holds me in the dark

oh i wish i had this emo boy
because its just so real
this embrace lasts not long enough
does he notfeel the way i feel?